One Precious Incarnation

A moment ago I posted the Facebook update that said I feel like I’ve been crying all day. My throat hurts. It’s all psychic stuff. Empathic stuff. Dunno. Maybe something kicked up from all this yoga I’m doing. It also feels like the delightful alchemy I had with one of my girlfriends. I can’t even remember who. Just a sadness in the body. Or the mind.

It’s almost Valentine’s Day. Do I visit friends in NYC? Do I stay here and chant and pray and sit? How do I best serve? Myself, my people, my world?

I just had pizza and beer with Carrie. A nice young lady here at the H.I. She was the first person I saw here. Lots of paint all over her. Very expressive. Libra. She listened deeply to me. I’m not used to that. I do it for others but rarely is it reciprocated except by the precious few of you who are probably actually reading these very words.

Alchemy. Libra. Valentine’s Day. E. M. J. L. All these initials. What have I done? What am I doing? And still, I’m here. Looking and seeing.

Anyhow, did you know that in ancient Rome at this time men would chase ladies with goat hide whips and whip them? Why did they do that? I feel kinda like I know. Here’s a song that speaks to it. I can’t go into too much detail for the pain it causes my heart. My beautiful heart.

Dreyma Dha (OM.MW16.14.13.12)

Lupercalia

"I Heart Art" - Tim Gough

Just a really quick note because meditation begins at 6. This concludes my first day of the Himalayan Institute’s Self Transformation Program. I’m very impressed so far. It’s real yoga. Steve the teacher is interesting. He’s a story teller. He draws you in and lands the good stuff. His class is “The Dynamics of Meditation”. I’ve pretty much heard it all before but I’m here to practice.

And practice I will. I’m intending to do lots of yoga. Lots of meditation. Lots of chanting. For this first month at least, I will be working deeply on myself. After this month I may cut back in the interest of serving the organization’s needs. But this month I need. Omega had become so toxic.

I don’t mind saying it in a public space. There’s something toxic there. I don’t exactly know what it is or where the root is. Many people I’ve worked closely with in the past had been saying it but I guess I just didn’t believe it. It’s a great place for a participant and a great place to visit for a short time and maybe for one season but long term…it took it’s toll. I wish them well and don’t want to condemn or curse them in any way but it would be in the organization’s best interest to explore some of it’s own stated values. Really get in touch with silence. Gentle emptiness. The soft negative spaces of a blank page.

And so, now I’m at the Himalayan Institute. My style had to change up a little. But there’s music here and good yoga and lots of interesting, beautiful, mindful, present people. The land is lovely. The space will be welcome. The silence will be welcome. The practice will be welcome. I am welcome. I am grateful. I feel SO abundant in my room with it’s bed and a shower down the hall. Like huh? I had been sleeping in the Dub Room for months. No shower for weeks at a time. No biggie. All in the name of something I thought I needed to do, but now is my time to go inward. To cultivate healthier habits. To heal. To become still.   To allow my mind to rest and abide in the suchness of bliss.

"Meditation" by Carol Buchman