It’s almost Valentine’s Day. Do I visit friends in NYC? Do I stay here and chant and pray and sit? How do I best serve? Myself, my people, my world?

I just had pizza and beer with Carrie. A nice young lady here at the H.I. She was the first person I saw here. Lots of paint all over her. Very expressive. Libra. She listened deeply to me. I’m not used to that. I do it for others but rarely is it reciprocated except by the precious few of you who are probably actually reading these very words.

Alchemy. Libra. Valentine’s Day. E. M. J. L. All these initials. What have I done? What am I doing? And still, I’m here. Looking and seeing.

Anyhow, did you know that in ancient Rome at this time men would chase ladies with goat hide whips and whip them? Why did they do that? I feel kinda like I know. Here’s a song that speaks to it. I can’t go into too much detail for the pain it causes my heart. My beautiful heart.

Dreyma Dha (OM.MW16.14.13.12)

Lupercalia

"I Heart Art" - Tim Gough

]]> http://www.onepreciousincarnation.com/2012/02/12/st-valentine/feed/ 0 http://www.onepreciousincarnation.com/2012/02/03/onward/ http://www.onepreciousincarnation.com/2012/02/03/onward/#comments Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:55:42 +0000 Michael http://www.onepreciousincarnation.com/?p=1002 Just a really quick note because meditation begins at 6. This concludes my first day of the Himalayan Institute’s Self Transformation Program. I’m very impressed so far. It’s real yoga. Steve the teacher is interesting. He’s a story teller. He draws you in and lands the good stuff. His class is “The Dynamics of Meditation”. I’ve pretty much heard it all before but I’m here to practice.

And practice I will. I’m intending to do lots of yoga. Lots of meditation. Lots of chanting. For this first month at least, I will be working deeply on myself. After this month I may cut back in the interest of serving the organization’s needs. But this month I need. Omega had become so toxic.

I don’t mind saying it in a public space. There’s something toxic there. I don’t exactly know what it is or where the root is. Many people I’ve worked closely with in the past had been saying it but I guess I just didn’t believe it. It’s a great place for a participant and a great place to visit for a short time and maybe for one season but long term…it took it’s toll. I wish them well and don’t want to condemn or curse them in any way but it would be in the organization’s best interest to explore some of it’s own stated values. Really get in touch with silence. Gentle emptiness. The soft negative spaces of a blank page.

And so, now I’m at the Himalayan Institute. My style had to change up a little. But there’s music here and good yoga and lots of interesting, beautiful, mindful, present people. The land is lovely. The space will be welcome. The silence will be welcome. The practice will be welcome. I am welcome. I am grateful. I feel SO abundant in my room with it’s bed and a shower down the hall. Like huh? I had been sleeping in the Dub Room for months. No shower for weeks at a time. No biggie. All in the name of something I thought I needed to do, but now is my time to go inward. To cultivate healthier habits. To heal. To become still.   To allow my mind to rest and abide in the suchness of bliss.

"Meditation" by Carol Buchman

Are you a rich man_ (OM.MW16.12.17.11)

I’m getting teary as I write this. I’m so close. I had a date with an awesome lady in NYC. A true tastemaker. She likes me. I think.   I wield the light saber and slay demons daily. I’m writing music. I’m finding voice. I’m using voice. I’m silently using my voice and pushing the world if you can believe it. And now it’s falling away.  At least it feels that way.

I will probably be doing the exact same thing but in an ashram in the very near future. Luckily there’s a music room. There’s also accurate yoga. People live there. I’m sure there’s lots of work to do. There certainly is lots of work to do on myself. Starting with grounding. Hopefully being held.   Moving into silence.

And still, there’s the question: Would I rather be a rich man or stone in the hands of Magdalena. Stones in the hand of the Maker. Always the question. Kazantzakis would smile. I’ve been smiling less lately and trying to hold back tears.

from an image search "Mary Magdalene"

I’ve been settling and calming today. Doing my work in an even keeled way. Trying to allow unpleasant thoughts and watch them. Hold them. Fearlessly allowing and receiving them. I put this on the Reiki notes last night. Among other things.

Anyhow. First thought best thought right? Here’s to Victory Songs! Vijaya Songs! Jai Vijaya!

Up Jumped the Lord 2(OM.MW16.01.04.11)

from an image search "Victory"

from an image search "Victory"

I woke up. Tried deep Ujaya breathing. Berimbau. Moving to the couch. Praying. That was helpful. Everytime I’d start to nod off I would jolt out of sleep freaking out. That is called hypervigilance. PTSD’ers have it. I starting praying to the Virgin and holding my hand over my heart. I’d asked for “calm”. Or, “healing”. Or “safe”. But still it would happen.

Eventually I gave into to being awake and chanted a little and sat a little. I had a LOT of my Jewish friends call “Sphilkes”. I thought I could teach an AWESOME “Sphilkes Management” workshop. I’ve got all kinds of techiniques. Breathing. Mantra. Spontaneous song. Ballet. Mindful walking.

I saw a great icon of a dark Kali like Buddhist avenging spirit on Barbara’s wall. I really tried to take her into me. To see that all my pain, suffering, desire to blame, desire for vengenance are aspects of this fierce god that we usually direct outside of us into the external world. I asked for deep healing and it was revealed to see how those unpleasant thoughts and desires are actually INSIDE me. How Kali is kissing me to make friends with these dark places. To lean INTO them.

Immediately, I started to focus. I started to ground. I started to be present. I started singing a song I composed to her but I found it was a distraction. She wasn’t interested in my praises just my healing and for that I had to stay focused on the download she was giving me. Here’s the song anyway if you’re interested. I wrote it months ago.

Miss Kali(RB.06.10.11)

A couple of big insights came to me. One was that I needed to not blame my mother for some negative parts of our relationship. She did the best she could and there were things happening while she was pregnant that probably affect me to this day. I brought a lot of reiki sei hei ki to that time. Also, Swami J. Kind of plump. Seeing an image of him made me feel grounded.

I had a moment of howling, “HOW DO I HEAL!?” And his image sort of told to sit still and allow all the anguish in. Not to fight it with movement, song, what I’m calling “Sphilkes Management”. Just to allow it in.

I got very still and sure enough it started to transform and yield up even MORE information. It was hard to hold onto the stillness but it’s lesson stuck. That’s part of the reason I’m writing it down this very minute.

Another concerned something Jamine said about getting a bigger problem. I starting wretching and the pain in my guts actually took my mind off my mind. I’m concerned that this kind of insight could become an eating disorder or something like that.

Also many other little insights but those were what I wanted to write. I stressed out on the way to work but talked with Maintenance about where to park and what to do about snow and feel much better. Jai Kali Ma! I had some sardines and am starting my day’s work. I hope this lessons stick and facilitate more healing for myself and others.

from an image search for "Kali"

(Cho Ku Re…I have compassion for myself…glitter)

I’ve been making songs on the Berimbau. These are rough. Rough and wet like detritus on a Southern street.  Maybe in a South that won and colonized South America (which was in their plans). I’m not saying the South should have won the Civil War. I’m just thinking and creating and what’s coming to my mind is a “what if”.   You know, like what if this, then what if that.   For all we know the South would have quickly abolished slavery when they realized it a was drain on entrepreneurial energy. All that free labor doesn’t make for innovation because there’d be little motivation.

Anyway, this music is like that in some way.   I’m not really making sense. I’ve just been collecting leaves.   Here’s some songs:

s (OM.11.11.11)

Carve it Like Giapetto(OM.11.11.11)

Woo Woo 2(OM.11.11.11)

Here’s the RFK video where he talks about England and slavery and all of what was inspiring me in the earlier paragraph. This stuff gets all up in me.

I also wondered if our alchemy stimulated me to write. I don’t think so, but I would envision characters on occasion. Little scenarios. Usually mythological creatures and/or fantastical characters. Just being in little vignettes. A 3rd dimenison aching for a 4th. Hintings of a story wanting to happen.

I fully attribute this to our alchemy. That was a nice thing. A nice connection we had. I’d love to share more of that with her but can’t and/or won’t at the moment. Even this blog is a little vague. I just watched an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” and for some reason starting thinking about her. I think it was because I like to research people in media I consume and found that Cheryl Hines is more or less from Tallahassee where I lived for many years. For some reason that made me think of my friend and our alchemy.

The word “alchemy” means “black earth”. This is one of my “black earth songs”. It is entitled “Long Ropey Tail”. I envisioned making love with my friend as a type of mythological creature with a long, prehensile like tail. A sexy, ecstatic Goddess being held and guided by a fierce lover with his graceful, intelligent tail. I don’t draw (yet). Here’s what I got:

Long Ropey Tail 3

"Minotaur Caressing a Sleeping Woman"

GAC drawer (GB.04.16.11)

JB tells me this is a $15k weekend. We won’t even be able to leave for lunch or dinner we’ll be working so hard. And damn! New friends in NYC I’d love to see. And sleep would be nice. We’ve got lots of GAC and toys and we’re going to be streaming the CAMS conference. Sending out lots of light for awakening.

It will be a great conference! I’ll come back to the city next week after Meditation class on Monday. See my friends. Relax a little in NYC before coming back to the campus.

Michael Carlucci operating Camera 1

The day started with me waking up at 6:46. I’ve been wanting more sleep and thought it might be nice to sleeep later but knowing that if I got up exactly at that moment and headed to the campus I could play for my friend’s yoga class. I went through some back and forth about it which is my habit and then just stopped myself and said, “what if you just go do it and don’t think”. I did this and played a great class. It was one where I felt like I had to balance my own need to “howl” with the needs of the class. I often have that feeling. It feels almost like a subtle form of surfing where I’m riding the waves of my own ego as it is splashed by the experiences of others and the needs of the moment. All and all it was a success. (I thought)

Next was breakfast with close friends. I walked into the day determined to practice working on my relationship with victimization which is of course related to my own story about needs and suffering. I brought that into the cleaning process and held myself accountable the whole day.

It worked. There was alchemy. There was transformation. There was team building. And the place got very clean. I smelled like bleach the whole day. It was organic. I “caused” change. I was part of something. And the day ended. Hopefully I can multiply this tranformation.

The weather is cool and the pressure is low. The sky is very clear. The sunset was a perfect wash of lavender and sherbet. Just the faintest hints of cloud in the sky. I was racing back to the campus to get some video of the sky and the perfect moon rising over the lake. I was also trying to move ‘tranquilo’. I was holding a lot. My own Aries. Patience. Joy. Aparigraha. Sankalpa. Peace.

I got to the campus and played with the EX3′s Learned some of there magic. Got the cart, scoped the OCSL, thought about the lake, Burger Hill, the hoopers. Decided witnessing it consciously was all I needed to do. I did a LOT of Tonglin meditation. My inverse version because I was so filled with wonder.

I returned the cart and really got into Daniel Mack’s class’ work. I very much enjoyed running my hand over the sanded wood. Seeing their rustic perfection. I left the campus and drove very slowly. Like I could feel every twist of the road and as though my Honda was a horse of some kind.

I had three great ideas: A dry, staccato cello piece to accompany a piece I’m working on. It’s like a cricket sawing out a new song. Also, Stefan and his “Chinese Guy” doing a voice over of the interview we got the other day. A joyful irony. Finally, was the embodied experience of Solfeggio/Indian. I know where “Ni” is.

A broth of medicine soup with ginger, parsley, tomato, miso, garlic, and fish oils. Could it be more delightful? And of course a day of work. Bring beauty and light to the world. Interviewed Sister Alice and her daughter Tia, Daniel Mack who was just amazing. He talked about Mater and Pater, and how his work is Alchemy and the Anima and the Animus and the Jesuits. Like huh? And, of course the very authentic interview of the Lady Dawn.

And I woke up with an interesting dream. I was getting my car worked on. It was a huge garage with lots of space and activity and customers and technicians. I wanted to tip my guy $5 reached in my wallet and $40, 2 twenties flew out of my wallet and blew down the street. I caught one but the other kept eluding me and blowing away. It eventually accrued to this bush. It caught in the bush’s branches. But there were lots of other bills in the branches. $10′s, $5′s, $1′s and there was a whole wad of cash folded up with a clip in the center.

And when I looked closely I saw that it wasn’t a bush, but a miniature grove. On some kind of bar table. And in the center of the grove was where the wad of money was but there was an idol of some kind. It shapeshifted into a female god. A Goddess playing an electric guitar or bass. She was practically nude with long legs. Black sheer underwear. I couldn’t make out her face but I heard the name Lyn Collins even though I don’t think the Goddess was Lyn Collins.

I had a moment of doubt about whether to take the money, or just my own, or even leave my money there. After all the grove was accumulating money AND someone specifically left some there. Maybe it was a holy place. A Sacred Grove. I woke up.